Are you lonesome tonight?
Do you miss me tonight?
Are you sorry we drifted apart?

Yes, yes and YES! Nothing seems more common these days than losing loved ones, not just lovers, also friends. As a child I always thought that my friends would be my friends as long as I live. As a grown-up (well yes, I say grown-up!) I now have to face reality: people change. So do relationships. Some friends are just not forever. With lovers, we seem to have come to accept the fact that we will lose them, eventually.

I definitely prefer being alone over being with someone for whom I have only lukewarm feelins. Maybe that’s why it usually hits me pretty hard, losing someone. I sulk, I cry, I have countless fantasy-conversations in my head… it might seem like a waste of time, but I guess I need it to come to terms with things. Sometimes it’s just good to wallow in self-pity and pain. Eventually you’ll come to the point where you see how useless it is. You can’t make people love you or like you. Sometimes friends are not for real. Oftentimes, lovers don’t love you – they may be IN LOVE with the idea of you, but can’t handle the real shit. I guess that’s ok too. That’s what break-up songs are for.

Does your memory stray
To a brighter summer day
When I kissed you
And called you Sweetheart

Elisabeth Kübler-Ross famously defined the different stages of grief. Originally she applied her theory to losing a loved one by death, later she broadened it to all sorts of loss. The stages might not always come in chronological order, but boy, they DO come. Denial is usually the first phase, and – depending on how much of a realist you are – the longest. Then comes anger. My favourite!! Sometimes I even frighten myself with the force of violence in my thoughts. I can get totally Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction. As in: if he had a bunny, I’d SO cook it!

Bargaining usually starts while the relationship or friendship is still somewhat intact, and for me it goes hand in hand with denial. I try my best to be a good person, lover and friend. I do things I never thought I would. I let others do things to me. So far, it has NEVER worked! The less you ask from a person, the less you’ll get, that’s the sad truth. So I can certainly do away with that phase, thank you very much.

Do the chairs in your parlor
Seem empty and bare?
Do you gaze at your door step
And picture me there?

Depression: another specialty of mine. Anyone’s who’s ever really been depressed (I mean not just sad, but that feeling of emptiness and powerlessness that usually comes with a real depression) will know how horrible that is. The easiest thing like unloading the dish-washer seems too monumental a task. That’s the phase where you can’t even enjoy being sad anymore. Depending on your usual countenance, this phase might be the longest and hardest. For me, personally, it starts right alongside the denial-phase. It’s hard for me to lie to myself, so that’s depressing. I usually know (or at least suspect) the truth about people pretty early on.

Is your heart filled with pain?
Shall I come back again?

Acceptance comes when you realize how useless everything is. This might seem depressing as hell, and I’m not the biggest fan of this “If you love someone, set them free. If they really love you…” bla bla gibberish. But hey, it’s really useless, trying to convince someone to love you, like you or respect you. That should be essential to any loving relationship. And if you can’t make it through problems together, if people just leave you when you are at your worst (and look the part) – then they can really fuck off.

By the way, I think Elvis wrote the song in the bargaining-stage of grief. But he must have known, even back then, how ridiculous it was. There’s the “laughing version”-recording of it, where he just cracks up and is unable to pull himself together for the remainder of the song. Maybe it’s because of the weird background singers. But I’d like to think that he also realized the ridiculousness of the whole matter. Sometimes you just crack up, hysterically. Pour yourself a glass of something nice and strong, get your handkerchiefs out and cry till you laugh! Cheers!

More on Elvis, Priscilla, and Graceland soon!